Christmas Crackers
by MakeAndTakeYourOwnFakePancake
Summary: What this fandom is lacking is some XMAS SPIRIT. CHAPTER 4: It's a once in a life time opportunity. The chance to see them performing LIVE on street! Come and watch them sing!
1. Kurapica VS Ubo: The Xmas Edition

**The Xmas version of Kurapica vs Ubo.**

**Get into the Xmas spirit and enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: We do not own hxh. sigh...**

CRACK!

Killua: KEH! A piece of paper? No chocolate? Don't tell me it's another lame joke...

Pancake: Mine's not a joke.

Gon: Same here.

Leorio: It's a story.

Kurapica: C'mmon guys, let's sit around the fire. We'll take turns on reading our paper. Pancake, you read yours first.

Pancake: Ok...here goes...

Ubo zipped up his pants (assuming he had a zip under that fur loincloth) and faced Kurapica with a menacing smirk, "Ready to die, boy?"

The full moon glowed eerily in the sky, illuminating the ditch where their battle to the death would begin. The boy looked up, his bangs revealing a pair of blazing scarlet eyes. "Not yet…"

He grasped the collar of his Kurutan attire and swung it elegantly to his right.

BOING!

Ubo's eyes widened in shock as a blue tutu sprung up around the boy's waist, completed with ribbons, bows and frills. He carefully folded his tunic and placed it snugly under a rock. Then with a wave of his hand, a sparkling wand appeared with a flurry of glitter. The blonde spun around to face the gob-smacked gorilla. His eyes returning to its original blue, he smiled enthusiastically, "Let's begin!"

The Spider stood stumped for a minute. Kurapica tapped his ballet-shoe clad feet impatiently, "Too scared to hurt a fairy ballerina?" Ubo roared indignantly and hurled himself at the Kurapica ballerina.

_~A string quartet starts playing the Blue Danube~_

The boy simply dodged him by twirling to the left. The muscle man attempted to launch another death punch, but Kurapica leapt over him, stepping on his head along the way. He soared in the air like a graceful swan, feet pointed and arms straight to keep his balance. Ubo watched him fly straight over his head with a mixture of rage and fascination, and then charged at the Kurutan as he landed. The blonde whirled to the right, easily avoiding the nen-charged punch. With the tip of his wand, he firmly boinked Ubo on the nose as he surged past. The huge man stumbled in surprise and turned around, rubbing his nose.

Kurapica casually twirled his wand between his index and middle finger, and cried out sweetly, "Bad boy! No Christmas pressies for you this year!"

The muscle man has reached the boiling point of his fury. He couldn't take in any more of this. The aura around his body flared brighter as he charged up his nen. Ubo bared his yellow teeth and charged at the ridiculous boy ballerina like Scar, the bad guy from Lion King. After all, it was his all-time favourite movie.

Kurapica smiled charmingly at the ferocious Spider and jumped. Ubo was prepared for that, and leapt after the boy, reaching for his feet. The ballerina pushed off Ubo's huge hands, propelling him even higher, but one slim ballet shoe fell off his foot. Immediately, Kurapica tensed, blonde hair falling over his eyes, and landed gently a few metres away from Ubo. He looked up again, but his evil smile meant 'no more play-time.' "That hurt," he whispered.

Darting quickly backwards, the boy picked up his ballet shoe and slipped it on, eyes still pinned on his enemy. He began advancing slowly on the bewildered Spider. "NO ONE hurts my petite feet, OR takes my shoe off to make my feet hurt. You will pay!" The ballerina launched himself at the muscle man, whacking him with vengeance using the wand. The stunned man shielded himself from the furious beatings.

"HA! Take THAT! And THAT! AND THAT!" As a finishing move, Kurapica performed as any Chinese old lady would've done. He took off one of his ballet slippers and hurled it on the man's fore-head, leaving a shoe print deeply embedded.

Ubo wanted to explode, but knowing that this was not a man's fight, he stormed off with irritation. "I'll be back…and next time, prepare to DIE!"

Kurapica smiled, satisfied. Suddenly he gasped, and his hands clapped his cheeks in worry, "He forfeited! It wasn't a fair fight! I'm not gonna get any presents from Santa this Christmas!" Shocked by this horrific revelation, the boy put his tunic on, and ran after the bulky man. Of course, finally coming to his senses, Ubo knew exactly what to in this type of situation.

Without a moments hesitation, he ran away.

Freaked out.

Whilst releasing a girly scream.

Everyone: _silence..._

Pancake: O_O

Everyone: WHAHAHAHAHA

Kurapica: WHAT? WHERE'D THAT COME FROM? RIGHT! I'M NEXT! D:

To be continued~ (That is, if you want it to continue)

**Arigatou! If you want, tell us if we should make a collection of these. X3**

**We would be very happy if we get to unwrap any of your Xmas reviews. Review pls!**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!**


	2. Kurapica VS Kuroro: Of tooth and toenail

**Soz for the late update its kinda hard finding time to write together...**

**This chapter is according to KurapicaKuroro's request. We had fun writing this!**

**A note to all KurapicaxKuroro fans: this fic may be horrifyingly traumatising. So grab a good sense of humour and read on!**

Kurapica: I'm next! D:

CRACK!

Killua: KEH! What, another lame story?

Pancake: Who cares.

Gon: It doesn't matter.

Kurapica: (eagarly begins reading)...

The music blared loudly from the Nostrad mansion. Inside, old friends and enemies were reunited as Hunter examiners and examinees met again. Neon was hosting her annual Christmas party. There was a tree, presents and lots and lots of food. People were dancing, chatting and eating happily.

Two of our favourite characters were standing in a corner, sipping their drinks. (The other two were running around like mini Tarzans.) One of them had especially keen eyes for the other gender and was currently using them to look out for girls, his favourite hobby.

"Whaa… she looks pretty in that dress…"

"Who?" Kurapica asked unenthusiastically.

"That one over there, with the long pink hair," Leorio pointed.

"Oh. She's my boss. Don't you ever remember the people who invite you to their parties?"

Leorio stared at his friend with bulging and disbelieving eyes. "Seriously? Dude, have you ever tried flirting with her? Cos if you haven't… SHE'S MINE!"

The blonde shot him a glare. "You want me to lose my job?"

Leorio laughed and slapped him on the back, "Only joking! Lighten up, man, it's a party!"

Kurapica looked away and closed his eyes in irritation. "Do whatever you want, then."

So with a huge toothy grin plastered on his face, the man skipped away to the young lady. Kurapica wandered over to the large table covered with food, helping himself to a sandwich. He looked around and spotted Ponzu, the bee girl, and decided to talk to her for a bit.

*SMASH*

The sound of glass smashing obtained some high-pitched screams from the girls and Leorio. The Phantom Brigade swung into the broken window and landed neatly on the glass covered carpet in formation.

"FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD!"

Lined up with perfect precision, with Kuroro as their conductor, they sang passionately with their hands clasped together.

"WONDERFUL FOOOOD! MAGICAL FOOOOOOOOD!"

The leader finished with a lovely flourish of his arms. Their song ended and the Spiders charged at the food-laden table like buffaloes. Kurapica scowled and a chain materialised on his hand, eyes turning bright scarlet. "KURORO YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH CRASHING THIS PARTY!"

He flung the chain at the charging Spider with all his might. The rest sprinted past the pair and began shoveling food into their mouths.

To the blonde's surprise Kuroro grabbed the chain and jerked the younger boy towards him, in the middle of the dance floor.

*Silence*

Even Leorio's glasses fell off as everyone stopped and stared. All of a sudden fangirls squealed with delight.

"Apples!" Hisoka giggled creepily and looked at Gon across the table. The spiky hair boy smiled unsurely and dashed behind Killua.

"May I have this dance?" Kuroro bowed with the chain tucked between his teeth, treating it like a rose, earning louder fangirl squeals.

"Sure, but I'm leading," Kurapica answered sarcastically. He pulled the chain back towards him and there was a resonating SNAP! The older man looked up with him with emotionless eyes and smiled menacingly, a front tooth clearly missing from the top row. He looked ridiculous with a black hole in the middle of his goofy smile. *fangirls scream and cry*

Resisting the urge to laugh, the blonde tried to stamp on the Spider's foot with a resounding STOMP! only to end up having the man's foot stamping his foot. STOMP!

"I'm sorry, but I asked first. Besides, you are often depicted as a female…" Kuroro spoke smoothly.

"Well THIS TIME, those fanfiction writers are gonna accept me as a MALE. Now, Get…off," Kurapica sneered. The older man released his foot. He watched by amusingly as the blonde removed his right shoe and eagerly slid off the sock. The boy shook his head and tutted, "Look what've you done, you've splintered my toenail."

"Haha," Kuroro teased in a mocking tone.

"Fortunately, it's fake." The younger boy slipped off the 'fake toenail' with precise caution. He casually flicked it behind, and Leorio reacting to his instincts caught the object, then only dropping it when he realized how hideous the toenail was.

Leorio: There he goes again.

Everyone: (looks at Kurapica sulking in the corner)

Pancake: I feel bad.

Gon: Me too. I'm gonna join him. (Goes over to Kurapica and joins him in the sulking corner)

Killua: Tch. It's just a story, here, hand it over...

The spider couldn't hold on any more, his shoulders were shaking slightly from the laughter within, "Oh?"

Kurapica continued as if he was talking as a matter-of-fact, "After all, one must be well prepared."

Without warning he hurled his chain yet again in another attempt to kill the ruthless spider. Kuroro simply caught the metal string and pulled it towards him, dragging Kurapica along. Luckily the blonde was just able to stop himself from clashing into his enemy. Standing only a couple of centimeters apart, they glared at each other, revenge for tooth and toenail burning in their cold eyes.

_~The grand piano plays Beethoven's 5th Symphony~_

Although they were unconscious of their surroundings, they tried to stamp each others' foot along with the greatly defined notes of the dramatic melody with astounding accuracy. STO-STO-STO-STOMP! STO-STO-STO-STOMP! The crowd applauded, with the exception of the spiders still eating to their hearts content.

Kurapica reached out and yanked the spider's ear, "Let GO of my chain."

"If you let go of my ear." Kuroro challenged.

And so they continued to 'dance' in that stubborn fashion; Kuroro trying to untangle the mess of chains on his wrist while using the other hand to wrench the blonde's hand away before his ear breaks. Kurapica had no mercy. With every tug he liberated a loud war cry. They spun and half-tripped and swayed and moved swiftly across the dance floor, the crowd oohh-ed and aahh-ed at every dance move that they considered unique.

Meanwhile, Hisoka was enjoying his time trying the large variety of fruit. Never had he thought there were other ripe and delicious fruit apart from apples. He savoured the strawberries, relished the lychees and cried when he gulped down a whole mouthful of lemon flesh. Recovering from the immense sourness of the lemon, he inspected the bananas in the glass fruit bowl.

The man picked up the 'exotic fruit' and examined it at every angle. He looked at the other people for guidance and caught Killua peeling the banana then dipping it into chocolate crème. Using his guidance, Hisoka peeled the banana and devoured it. He beamed in contentment, "Oh! It's so ripe!" He tossed the banana peel behind him and resumed eating the bananas.

Suddenly, there was a thunderous clash on the dance floor as the popular couple tripped over. Kuroro rubbed his throbbing head as Kurapica reached out for the banana peel. The boy glared suspiciously at Hisoka who was eating halfway though a banana. The jester shook his head innocently and pointed to a nearby monkey.

The black hair man chuckled at the confused blonde. Unable to contain his fury, Kurapica shoved the banana peel in his partner's mouth.

Banana peels showered endlessly on the dance floor. The monkey was ravenous, gulping up one banana after another whilst chucking the remains behind. It began to wrestle with Hisoka in order to get the best quality bananas. Soon it was raining banana peels and banana peels. There weren't enough space to even move.

Irritated that the fact Kurapica could not possibly fight his enemy, he managed to fling his chain up on the spinning fan, dragging Kuroro along with him. They were sailing madly through the air.

A wonderful feeling surged through the boy's body. Never in his life had he ever felt the breathtaking wind that gushed passed him. Drowned in revenge, the carefree sensation was lost in his grasp years ago. And now, he was able to recapture that sensation. Yes, that sense of freedom. Oh how fantastic that feeling is. Truly magnificent! Tarzan had always been his favourite movie and inspiration.

"Quit daydreaming," Kuroro interrupted, still holding on to Kurapica's chain for dear life.

"Shut up! This is none of your business!" In a snap, Kurapica was back in his dreamy bliss. Vaguely he would hear bits of "let go!" or "hello?" Feeling quite annoyed, he shook off the extra weight off his arm and went back to his déjà vu. _I wonder who's screaming in the background…?_

The two mini Tarzans (namely Gon and Killua) watched in awe as the leader of the Phantom Brigade plummeted out the broken window, "Farewell. That's all for now, folks." Kuroro's looney tooney statement brought tears and squeals from the fangirls. Hisoka simply giggled and glanced to and fro from the ripe bananas to Gon.

Leorio reunited with the two young Tarzans and the three looked up at their wistful friend.

"Is he gonna stay there?" Gon piped up.

Leorio shrugged, "Yeah, he is, that blonde Tarzan…"

Everyone: (suddenly realised that Kurapica and Gon was back in the circle again)

Kurapica: (eyes sparkling) The movie was so cool, poor Tarzan, his parents died when he was younger than me.

Leorio: awwww...

Gon: Anyways, (grabs another christmas cracker) I'm next!

To be continued~

**Here you go, gon 123abc and Little_Miss_Introverted! Hope all you guys have enjoyed this chapter! Next, we will write upon chaseyoudown's request! **


	3. Trick Tower: Romeo and Juliet

**Well, whaddayaknow... looks like we have reincarnated!**

**This is for chaseyoudown! We have chosen trick tower! Sorry for the long delay ^^'**

**Note: Reader must be familiar with the tune to 'My Heart Will Go On.' Seriously, it makes life easier. Standard disclaimers apply.**

Gon: (Gets out scissors and starts to cut the cracker)

Killua: Gon, you're meant to crack it, which is why it's called a cracker…(Looks at others for back-up)

Pancake, Kurapica, Leorio: (shrug)

Gon: I want to save the paper…It has kitsune's on it! Okay, you all sitting in a comfortable position? Let's start…

It has been an hour, and they were already plunged into the mysteries of the Trick Tower. Their only aim: to make it to the top. The five people trudged up the looming tower and stopped by a brightly lit room. As they stepped inside, the large stone door slid into place behind them, earning a manly shriek from Tompa. The five were confronted by three uninterested judges. Behind the judges stood a lonely stage, shrouded by a black curtain.

A judge stepped forward and bowed, "Welcome to the, uhh, er, room of Performing Arts. I don't want to go through the details, so in the next two hours you will perform a group play based on Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. You are forbidden to leave this room during that time. Any attempts to escape will result in disqualification. You may pick a maximum of five materials to make props and costumes. A selection of materials is behind the curtain."

He walked back to his seat and pulled out a stopwatch. "We'll expect a performance in about an hour. Your time begins now."

The five examinees gaped astonishingly at the prompt speech of the judge. They had expected more than just words and acting, after all the trouble they'd just been through.

"Are you kidding me?" Killua ruffled his hair in distress. "That's worse than maths!"

"Romeo and Juliet...?" Gon wondered at the two names.

"Ahh... the best romance story in history; it's a classic." Kurapica stated in a matter-of-fact voice.

The two twelve year olds stared at him with newfound curiosity. "What's it about?" they asked in unison.

The blonde cleared his throat and began his long lecture. "It's the tale of one of the best and worse romances the world has ever seen. A wonderful, heart-wrenching story of love, loyalty and tragedy... it pains me to remember the very thing!" He clutched at his heart dramatically, gazing into the distance. Gon and Killua were not impressed.

"So it's another sappy love story. Anyone die or something?" Killua asked.

The blonde shot him a glare. "Of course they die! Tis' a tragedy of the star cross'd lovers! Their never changing, undying love led to their untimely death... a real masterpiece of the greatest playwright of them all, the one and only William Shakespeare! A man to be honoured and remembered forever! For without him we would be deprived of some of the world's most fascinating literature! Indeed, a great man!"

Kurapica went on for another half an hour, reciting and repeating the lines that he remembered before he finally looked up from his passionate speech to see Gon and Killua rooting through the box of props out of boredom. He sighed. "Doesn't anyone appreciate Shakespeare?"

Gon held up a baby pink dress with poofy pink sleeves and snapped a party hat onto his head. "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"

Killua whirled a blue cape around his shoulders. "Over here, you blind goose."

Leorio and Tompa watched amused at the two boys, ignoring a rather offended Kuruta in the corner. "How romantic!" they cried out sarcastically.

It was agreed that 'My Heart Will Go On' would be used as the background music, played by Kurapica because he didn't know anything else, and sung by Leorio because he insisted his vocal chords were perfectly pitched. Tompa's role…..will be revealed later in the play.

- One hour later -

Time was running out. Unfortunately, Kurapica only remembered the balcony scene; no more, no less. It was agreed that all hope rested in the boys' hands. They would have to prepare an impromptu along the way. They got themselves ready on stage.

With a gentle swish, the curtains pulled back to reveal the brightly lit platform. From the balcony a spiky-haired boy appeared in an over-sized white dress and a pink, coned party hat. The spotlight was directed at him as he raised his right hand up with a flourish and gazed heavenwards, "Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I'll no longer be a Capulet."

'_My Heart Will Go On' _began to play by Kurapica who rose gravely out of the bushes, lifting a bagpipe to his lips. Leorio; eyes solid and solemn, unleashed his powerful baritone, perfectly in tune with the bagpipe.

_Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you,_

_That is how I know you, go on._

A shadow shifted behind the bushes; tufts of white hair protruding from the head of the figure. "Shall I hear more, or shall I speak to this?" He made his way behind the stage (and up the balcony).

Covered in the worst of twigs and leaves, the mini band continued their moving symphony.

_Far across the distance, and spaces between us,_

_You have come to show you, go on._

"...Romeo, doff thy name, And for thy name, which no part of thee, Take all myself."

"I take thee at thy word!" And thus behind the fair lady, Killua shouted out with joy as he suddenly lashed his arms out towards Gon.

The judges flinched at the sudden change of the play.

Gon screamed and toppled over the balcony. Fortunately, his landing was cushioned by Tompa's beer belly, who reluctantly took the crucial role of a crash mat. "Oomph!"

Killua's eyes expanded into massive orbs. He gasped and reached his right hand out in despair, "MY JULIET! In life and death, I will always be with you no matter what!"

_Near, far, wherever you are_

_I believe that the heart does, go on..._

'Romeo' hauled himself over the balcony ledge and threw himself at the crash mat where he would lie dead next to his 'Juliet'. "Oomph!"

Only the bushes were close enough to see the evil smirk that was plastered on Killua's face as he plummeted onto Tompa's stomach.

Tompa groaned softly under the weight of the young boys. Gon pretended to recover from his unconsciousness, then shrieked at the sight of his beloved that laid lifeless before him. He ran up the balcony at lightning speed then stopped abruptly on the edge of the balcony. Knowing that 'Romeo' would not be able to hear, 'Juliet' called out nonetheless, "MY ROMEO! I love you!"

_Once, more, you open the door_

_And you're here, in my heart and, my heart will go on and on_

With one last wipe at his teary eyes, Gon too, hauled himself over the ledge and rocketed down on the crash mat; tears gushed out of his eyes anime-styled.

_You're, here, there's nothing I fear_

_And I know that my heart will go on..._

He landed accurately, right beside Killua. Tompa moaned, "Oh, shi-OOMPH"

_We'll, stay, forever this way_

_You are safe in my heart and, my heart will go on and on._

There was a moment of silence in commemoration of the lovers' death. It wasn't long before the bushes stood up and bowed. The judges stood up immediately and clapped whole-heartedly, gleeful grins stretched on their faces.

In the end, thanks to their 'original' performance, the judges lead the group to a shortcut with great enthusiasm. They were the one of the very few who received roasted turkey and chocolate pudding, as a reward for reaching to the top of the tower in a short period of time.

Gon and Pancake: Awww, Romeo and Juliet…

Killua: …

Kurapica: I am so gonna sue this company who made these crackers and wrote these stories…..trying to disrupt the innocent minds of children, huh?

Leorio: You think? I'm enjoying them immensely! (reaches out for another cracker)

To be continued~

**Doesn't seem to be related to christmas at all, except for the last bit perhaps...**

**Next we will be doing featherfun's Feitan one. hehe we've got a simple idea of what we're going to do, just that we need to find the time to write it!**


	4. Feitan and Franklin: Dynamic Duo

**Disclaimer: Mary Poppins is not ours**

He ordered the lights to be switched off. Engulfed in complete darkness, Gon drew out his torch and flashed it under his chin, casting eerie shadows around his eyes, under his nose and under his mouth.

Gon boomed, trying to sound like thunder: "It was a DAAAARK and STOOOOORMY night…..

Killua: (bursts out into laughter) You FAIL, GON! Aren't you supposed to sound soft and creepy?

Gon: (pouting) I don't look scary?

Leorio: I've seen scarier, like…like…that clown….

"You mean me?" A familiar figure popped his head into the window, shattering the glass with his stiffly gelled hair. "Ringo-chann! We meet again! I want to hear your story tooo~" The jester climbed inside and made himself comfortable in the circle of friends.

Gon: *O*

Rain bucketed down on the gloomy streets of York Shin. Cloaked by the darkness of night, two figures emerged from the shadows of the alleys. Taking a couple of steps into the pouring rain, they paused to contemplate their next move. Bright fluorescent pink parasols were unsheathed from the depths of their sleeves. The pair solemnly lifted the parasols above their heads, a flimsy shelter against the icy wind. Backs hunched, they trudged towards the pedestrian crossing, each step a battle against the furious torrent of precipitation.

They finally arrived at the lights. The figure on the left, a huge Frankensteinial creature, jabbed the silver pedestrian button viciously with a finger the size of a sausage. He turned to his silent companion. "Feitan."

The man in question looked up. "Franklin."

They shivered violently, so hard that their heads crashed together. Instead of the customary crack of skulls smashing, a resonating boing escaped the impact.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

"…I think I am."

They flapped their parasols and squealed so loudly it defied the law of puberty.

The shorter of the two opened his mouth, "I'M PRACTICALLY PERFECT! IN EVERY WAY!"

Franklin bowed elegantly, offering his hand to the dainty Feitan, who accepted with a blush. Following his lead, Franklin, too, opened his mouth to free his vocal chords.

"PRACTICALLY PERFECT?"

"SO PEOPLE SAAAY!" His parasol foomfed open in time to the music. "UNCANNY NANNIES ARE HARD TO FIND! UNIQUE YET MEEK UNSPEAKABLY KIND!"  
A passing grandma flashed them a toothy grin, not the least bit fazed by the fact that notorious criminals were belting out songs from Mary Poppins. Feitan drew out a spare parasol from his sleeve and handed it to the old lady.

"I'M PRACTICALLY PERFECT FROM HEAD TO TOE!" he bowed deeply.

"IF I HAD A FAULT IT WOULD NEVER DARE TO SHOWWWW!" the old lady went on her way happily, twirling her new parasol above her head.

"I'M SO PRAACTICAALLY PERFECT! IN EVERY WAAAAAAAY!" Mouths wide open, the two warbled in perfect harmony. In their moment of passion they opened their eyes to gaze heavenwards. Mouths wide open, they froze as the last note died on their lips, meeting the dark stare of their boss.

Surrounded by darkness, Kuroro glared at the duo with disbelief spluttering from his eyes. Immediately their arms dropped from their grand flourish, hunching over in the rain with their parasols as they walked silently towards their boss.

Kuroro clapped emotionlessly. "Encore. For the rest of the group. Shalnark will bring his video camera."

The shamed pair could do nothing but nod.

Hisoka began to tremble violently. He threw back his head and laughed until tears streamed from his eyes. Kurapica shot him a glare.

Kurapica: Who knew they were capable of such creativity…

**Keep the requests coming!**

**To hina-chan: We apologise that we will not be able to do your request. The idea is kinda confusing (no offense ^^) and there are too many OC's (or are they from a drama or something?). We want to keep this series of fics to be HXH-centric. Apologies =|**

**We have another fic planned for Leorio, unless you have other suggestions.**

**WE LUV REVIEWS**


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